Listening to songs one after one through the radio wave in the air, typewriting words one after one through the keyboard by rote, drinking CocaCola a cup after a cup for fizz. Have a glimpse at my watch, which tells me 00:13 May 3rd. Tired but no will to sleep, why? Because I am staying alone, tonight.

Although there are a large number of tasks waiting for me to deal with, there are lots of friends asking me to join their parties, there are piles of papers to read and translate...I don't want to think about them a second more, I don't want to put my languid body into them, I don't want to...I am not very sure about what I am really eager to do. Maybe what I need is just a short break. Sleeping makes me better, relaxation makes me better, and thinking nothing makes me better. I always suppose that I were in a war where not only have I a fighting with others but also fight myself every time.

Yesterday, someone told me that I had better find a girlfriend to take care of me and share in my burden. Well, absolutely sounds nice. Really hard to find one especially at this moment, however. What a mess in my mind!

Have a rest for two days and I feel no belongingness for I am accustomed to busyness. Funny? Yes, I jest myself, as I am not able to enjoy leisure. Who could tell me what happened to me? Am I a working-maniac? On one hand, hard working is to get better and more rest, on the other hand better rest is to make hard work. Is this the so-called life? Plenty of things push me forward and allow me to be substantial, but after many days of putting my shoulder to the wheel, I really need a break to ease my rapid pulsatile heart. Nevertheless unfortunately, I am in the how-d'ye-do as I told here before. Therefore, I think there may be something wrong with my philosophy of life. What should I do? How can I deal with it? Need I to see a psychoanalyst?

Terry

May. 3rd, 2008